The Tweets of the Saints

By Eric Hanna, S.J.

stpeterslist.com

If some of our favourite saints had used Twitter, this is what their tweets might have looked like.

One month ago

@Augustine I was a Manichean *before* it got all mainstream and popular. Bleh, maybe I'll try something new.

@Hildegard grrr... headaches again. And not just administrative ones.

@Nicholas I'm a bishop! I do not go #ho-ho-ho. At least not that often.

@Aquinas Major Drama! Mom doesnt want me 2B friar, has locked me up in tower. Could this month get any worse?

@Bernadette Nobody believes me but am not gonna get all emo about it. Will just stick to my guns and hope it works out

@Ignatius Am reading some cool stories re #knights, #battles. Exciting! Am def going to become a great soldier. No way this plan will change.

@Patrick Snaaaaakes, it's the snaaakes. Don't worry, I'll get rid of 'em

One week ago

@Gabriel would you people stop freaking out? What is it about the phrase 'be not afraid' that could possible scare you?! Sheesh. I'm just a little glowy #angelproblems

@Aquinas And now mom is sending strange women to my room. Chased her out: nobody messes with my posters of St. Dominic

@Dominic lol :)

@Ignatius Pretty bummed. These knightly stories don't stay interesting. Are like pancakes – all exciting at first, but by the end am sick of them!

@AnthonyofPadawa Go climb a tree!

@Augustine Christianity rules! It's almost as good as #platonism. Maybe I can do both...

@Hildegard Visions of fiery rings of pure light around the brilliantly shining Saviour. Took the day off.

@Joan That's right – not only am I wearing pants, I've got armor and a sword. What now, brits?

Yesterday

@Xavier So I'm really into #Japan right now, trying to learn the language n stuff; what an amazing culture

@Aquinas Finally moving out! tots joining Dominicans. Just need a slightly bigger desk. Have you guys read #Aristotle? it's amazing!

@Michael Swordfightz Yo! Lucifer was all like bwa! And I was all like Smitezors!

@Anselm That which is perfect must, by definition, exist. God is perfect, therefore must exist.

@Guanilo A perfect island would exist by definition, does that mean a perfect island must exist somewhere?

@Anselm Your face exists! :P Nah, I'm not rly mad. Let me think it over.

@Beckett bleh, don't talk #religion and #politics online, everybody just gets really mad and nobody wins

@Ignatius am reading #Lives of the Saints – not as many battles, but still quite exciting

@Augustine Am ditching platonism, rolling full Christian fno. Evil as privation, not as substance. It all works! Man, I shd write some of this down...

@Francis I'm really enjoying all these pics of cats online. Sure, radical monastic reform, yeah. But I <3 an1malz="an1malz" p="p">

canada.com

Today

@Augustine Was abducted by crowd and held until I accepted the job of Bishop. The Christian HR department must have some spr aggressive recruiting quotas.

@Augustine have accepted job, awesome #hat

@Tekakwitha Am over 300 years old – stop calling me “new kid” :)

@Ignatius Dig it. Unlike #knights, #saints start exciting and stay exciting. I'm going to do all this stuff the saints did. Will be holiest guy ever!

@Cistercian101 What about moderation?

@Ignatius sure... but only in small amounts X)

@Lawrence Gave my coat to a homeless guy. I'm sure nobody will make a big deal out of this.

@Aquinas man, theology is all over the place. Smbdy should put it all in one big book. Will call it either 'theology 4 dummies' or 'the summa theologica'. Thoughts?

@Raphael Once again: I'm the angel in the book of Tobit, not a ninja turtle.

@Hildegard Health still weak. Have only been able to master botony, biology, musical composition, metaphysics, medicine, theology, plant a garden, and run a convent. Hope this afternoon is more productive.

@Bernadette Discovered stream of water, healings. Looks like sticking to my guns and telling the truth turned out to be an awesome plan. Woohoo!