A Short History of Salvation

By Greg Kennedy, S.J.

Pharaoh had a ton of stuff:
Soldiers, chariots and slaves;
But when he messed with the Israelites
No possession could he save.
Everything got stuck in mud
As he tried crossing through the Red Sea.
But he would’ve made it safe and sound
If he drove a SUV.

Moses was a grey, old man;
His arms weren’t all that strong.
He needed Hur and Aaron
To hold them up for long.
But when he staggered down the mountain
How much better he would have had it,
If instead of two, huge, rocky slabs
God had given him a Kindle Tablet.

“Samuel! Samuel!”, God said one night.
Samuel answered, “Here I am.”
Poor Eli couldn’t get a wink of sleep
Till he hit upon this plan.
“Boy, next time you hear the voice
To it these words you tell:
Your call is very important to us.
But please text me on my cell.”

Young David was a quiet lad,
Not much a fan of sports.
He could spend whole days alone
In other worlds absorbed.
But when he deftly killed Goliath
It was a dead sure sign,
That all those hours on the X-Box
Weren’t a waste of time.

Jesus was a carpenter,
But with artistic aspirations.
He met a pretty woman once
Guilty of adulterations.
He sketched her roughly in the sand.
He did the best with what he had.
But think of what he could’ve done
If he owned the new iPad.

Years ago I was a merchant,
Trying to make and honest liv’in.
I dealt in bulls and turtledoves
Till from the temple I was driven
By a madman with a braided cord;
He threw my stock into disarray.
Ever since then I’ve stayed at home
And done my business on eBay.

“Good Friday” wasn’t all that great;
It cast a shadow on the weekend.
The disciples huddled in a room;
They were feeling downright beaten.
They couldn’t believe the womenfolk
Who announced an empty tomb.
But there wouldn’t have been a hint of doubt
If they saw it on You Tube.

How blessed we are to live today
With such godly innovation!
It’s a marvel people survived before
In such total deprivation.
Christ came to save the world,
And in this we can take heart:
That whatever’s lacking in the faith
Is now available at Walmart.